Harriette Cole: I’m appalled that my dad billed my mom for painting the rooms

DEAR HARRIETTE My parents have long been divorced but over time they became friends Related Articles Harriette Cole Need-to-know lessons from a beautiful mother Harriette Cole The day care worker regretted her bad advice about my child Harriette Cole The bride thinks my wife will create drama at the wedding Harriette Cole I want our vacation to be G-rated and my son s girlfriend is not Harriette Cole Everyone in the restaurant was staring and my friend pretended she didn t know me All of their children are adults which made it easier for them to get along they have less to bicker about now My dad demanded my mom for a favor a limited months ago when he fell on hard times He solicited if he could stay with her until he discovered a more affordable housing option for himself She didn t like being his first option so she petitioned if he d be able to offer a small fee for the time he d be with her He wasn t in a position to offer a fixed amount but he agreed to contribute to a bill groceries and housekeeping whenever he could Two months went by and he didn t do any of those things Then he heard that my mom needed to repaint her living room and kitchen and he offered to do it for her My mom agreed thinking he was ultimately making good on his offer to contribute Once he began painting he gave my mother an invoice for his services I am offended She paid him and noted she doesn t want to be petty by putting him out I don t want to meddle but I think I should say something to my dad Unpaid Dues DEAR UNPAID DUES Your mother should not have paid him Instead she should have given him an itemized bill for what she thinks would be fair compensation for his contribution to the household while he was there from which she might deduct his painting fee Yes you should say something to your father namely that he took advantage of your mother s kindness He should apologize and repay her when he has the funds DEAR HARRIETTE My mom has invariably been emotionally distant and now that I m an adult I m realizing just how much that s shaped our relationship When we were growing up she wasn t unkind She made sure we were fed clothed and cared for But she rarely presented affection or talked about feelings If I ever brought up something emotional or challenging she would shut down or change the subject I learned fleetly that vulnerability made her uncomfortable so I stopped trying Now as an adult I want a deeper relationship with her I try to ask her about her life her past and her emotions but she either laughs it off or deflects my questions It feels like there s a wall between us that I can t climb over and I m left feeling rejected My sisters and I have talked about this and they feel it too but we don t know how to approach her without pushing her away even more Related Articles Dear Abby I revealed chosen horrible things on Facebook and now I can t see my grandkids Jill On Money Career advice for college grads Asking Eric My friends say they re buddies with my mom and I m making things weird Harriette Cole Need-to-know lessons from a beautiful mother Miss Manners Our school s mentor appreciation week is so tacky How can I have a relationship with someone who avoids closeness Close the Divide DEAR CLOSE THE DIVIDE You may have to accept the relationship that you do have with your mother If she has unfailingly been guarded you are not likely to be able to do anything to get her to change You can ask her of module and tell her how much you long for emotional intimacy with her Don t count on getting it Instead build close relationships with your siblings and your friends Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams You can send questions to askharriette harriettecole com or c o Andrews McMeel Syndication Walnut St Kansas City MO